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Monday, February 21, 2011

My curse.

I have curse.
I don't know where it came from, or when i got it.
I don't know why or how i should use it.
But, i know it is here. I know i need it for something...
My curse is my ability not to cry.
Something in my life stopped.
I cried so much, then, in one moment of my life...
I completely stopped.
Maybe my ability to act 'okay' is another curse.
Telling myself 'No. No, i won't cry...' as my finger nails pierce into palm, making a bloody fist.
i throw my arm out and smash it into the wall.
'Why...w-why can't i...' i ask my self so frustratedly. 
I want to at least cry a little, but, i can't.
I NEED to...
At first i thought it was alright.
I felt like i was 'okay'.
But, i was just lying to myself.
Why does my curse have to be so painful?
Not crying...
Why is it so bad?
I feel like a bottle full of fizzy emotions.
And the world is shaking me up.
Why can't i blow...
Why can't i let the world see me for...Me?
Why are emotions so... hard to let go of?
Why is life so hard to get used to?
Now, instead of crying tears. 
I cry blood.
My blood spills onto the flood.
It hurts...but, now everything will be better.