Let me tell you about my brother >.>

Sooooo~ I was helping my mom clean this store we work at because she hurt her back, right? Right.
My brother slaps me once before we start cleaning, and i shrug it off. He pokes me really hard later. It felt like he was stabbing me with a butter knife. I decided to be professional and just say 'Hey, stop it!' instead of slapping him back. Later when i go upstairs to get him from the break room so we can take the garbage out, he flicks me. It wasn't the kind of 'haha, lol jk jk' flick. It was more of the 'I HATE TO SO MUCH' flick that feeling like some out shot you with an airsoft gun. And i said 'You know what? FINE. I won't help you with the garbage.' And so i go down stairs to explain to my mom why i wasn't taking out the garbage with him, and she gets PISSED. And this is what she said 'You are NOT working with me tomorrow. You and your brother just can't get along can you?! WHY CAN'T YOU GET ALONG!?' And i try to calming explain what happened, and tell her that i did nothing wrong. My brother comes in and she asks him what happened. All he said was 'SHE'S LYING!' And i just stare at him. SHOCKED. Like, What the heck man!? I DID NOTHING TO YOU! And then she starts yelling at us in front of a few employees. I got embarrassed and said nothing the rest of the night. Nothing. Not in the car ride home. Not at home. I am typing this now just to get this all out. And just a few minutes ago, my father came in here. and yelled at me, saying it was BOTH OF OUR FAULTS. I don't have a problem with that, but then he started to make it sound like i am the one at fault. Not my brother. And that is a day in my home life. This happens what? About.. 4 or 5 times a week? And the WHOLE FAMILY gets involved. Yeah. home life. Weeeeh. Fun *sarcasm*

Every one sees something that we wish to forget. We keep it locked up in the back of our minds, hidden until the day we need this memory to keep us human... Mutters in the dark are the only thing keeping us from insanity

Jealous rant (Warning, may contain swearing...)

I have found myself getting...jealous.
JEALOUS OF THE MAN I SHOULD HATE (But don't for some STUPID reason)
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY D:<

I mean seriously, i should just get a grip and never think about him again. BUT I JUST CAN'T DO THAT CAN I?! >:C Noooo, because i'm stupid idiot, i can't just seem to stop thinking about him >.> Am i becoming like a jealous girlfriend now? AM I WHAT I HATE THE MOST!? GAAAAHHHH >.> Geez! We never went out, but, he acted like an evil ex... And now i'm all pissed off and don't know what to do D:< Maybe i am just bored and lonely as always and just want attention FROM ANYONE, and that's why, BUT HOW THE H*LL DO I STOP FEELING LIKE THIS!? D:< I really just need to work on something to get my mind off of this. But, All i want to do is talk to him... again... BUT NO. Because like i said before, i SHOULD hate him, but, i don't, I'M FRIGGIN TORN. GAWD Dx< Grrr.... *grinds teeth*

Loneliness washed over me like a cold wave of sorrow.
I felt like no one was there.
Not a one.
All of my friends were off at camp, or hanging out with relatives. I'm just here, alone...
I feel like there is nothing for me.
No one had time for me...
All too busy to even look at the calender.
I began to cry.
I didn't want to be crying.
I didn't want to look like this.
I didn't want today to be like this.
I didn't want anything i had...
Want i wanted was no where to be found.
I wanted to be laughing right now.
I wanted to be holding a hand.
I wanted to be with someone.
I wanted to with you.
And yet, i'm still here...
Will the loneliness subside?
(I want to be the concert...)

1/14/09

Today i was going through my old drawing books, and i came across something i fondly remember. It shows how long i've been doing this.
It was a picture of a lady in a wedding dress, holding, what appears to be dead flowers.
And underneath this picture was a poem like saying.
And here it is, i present to you, 'The Moon Walk Lady' By 11 year old Amelia. (Before the Loveless came):

'She walks by day, she walks by night

Her skin pale as the moon. She appears by the sorrow that owns her.

The owls call out "Twa-oo, Twa-oo, Come to us Fare Lady...'

She declines. Her face a glow.

She awaits her beau.

She is the moon walk lady'

...Yeah, i think i was better at this when i was nine...
Sad, huh? ^^;;

Goodbye Mister Dispair.

This post is for a guy named Tristan R.
I hope your listening...
I am still thinking of you.
Anyways, here it is. I call this one, 'Almost a tragedy'
I made so many promises, but, i couldn't hold true to them.
I cried for days, i have become so scared of you, and what you might do to.
Life has so many complications, maybe you were just one of the few that makes everything alright?
Something better this way comes.
I feel like i'm drowning in sorrow, for i don't know what i can do.
Patience wasn't something that you owned, now was it?
I had a dream last night,
It involved you and me..
We weren't very happy.
And in the end, you left because of me.
And i wasn't very happy with the way things turned out for me.
You got off without a hook, and i had to see you so sad.
You knew my worst fears, and used them against me.
I will never trust another man like you again, dear sir.
You wear a mask of fake love, deceit, and lies.
Ans yet, i love you as much as a shattered girl can...
I wish you all the best and i hope you have live on.
I am like a glass and i break easily.
But you can never fix me back to the way i was. Without these memories...
I had another dream last night.
You came back.
But you were just an empty soulless shell.
Except when i wasn't around, you had so much life.
I hate being the reason behind your pain.
But i don't know what to do...Anymore at least.
I still cry at times.
I write these words for you, and for no one else.
These are the things i can't say in person. For fear of what will happen.
I am dying here.
Because you won't listen.
And i can't open my mouth.
Hate and love are two undefinable feelings.

DIE!

Who are you to be living?
YOU are just a blemish on the worlds complexion!
You should be gone now!
But, why? Why are you still here?
A long time ago, you said you were useless, you were stupid, and the world had no need for you.
SO WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!?
You talked big, but, i guess that's all you were.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?!
I don't even ask anymore.
'i have no need for your pity'
Wanna die?
Go ahead.
SUICIDE THIS, SUICIDE THAT.
If you want to, i'm not stopping you anymore.
I could care less.
But, if you aren't, live with all your might!
Most people would see it as your depressed.
And act like it's okay.
La-dee-da-da!
BUT YOU JUST WANT--
I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS.
You wanna die? GO AHEAD.
No one will notice, the only way to show people is to survive.
'I don't belong here'
SHUT UP!
Wanna die? Go ahead.
If not, live with all your might!
Live, die?
DECIDE ALREADY!
I'm leaving now.
It's up to you.
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!? TELL ME!