Why you should never second guess.

Second guessing is exactly how it sounds. You think you know one thing, you start to think again, and you second guess yourself. Now i find second guessing useless and unhelpful. Because here's how i see it.
Your taking a test, and a question comes up and you think and answer is (A), but you start to think, and decide your wrong and go for (B). You turn it in and come back next week to pick it up and see how well you did. It turns out (A) was the correct answer. And so you beat yourself up for not sticking with (A). The point is, you'll never know until time tells, so don't second guess yourself. Just go with what your head and heart tell you.

Love, Amelia Loveless
(This post is for Amelia M. My best friend who needs some help right now)
SMILE SMILE SMILE!
Hehe!

Jealous of other's love...

Jealousy sinks threw my skin and into my heart.
Couples rejoice in there lovely relationships, while i'm left alone.
I watch as people kiss, and hug.
I watch as people flirt, laugh together, all the same to me.
I'm left a alone. To feel sorry for my self.
Alone, alone, alone, alone, loveless, alone, alone, alone, alone.
It echos in my head.
The man who loved me, wasn't the right one.
The man I loved, hated me back.
My black cat comes up and purrs, rubbing it's self up against my leg.
I smile.
'At least you love me...'
And then i start to think to myself, maybe i just haven't found the right person...
And i remind myself that when he comes, I'll know.

~Amelia Loveless
To Amelia M. my best friend:
Keep your chin up, he's right there. Don't second guess yourself.

):

D: My dad lost the form to buy the DVD of my swing dance performance... Why does he do this to me? :( He even missed my fashion show last year too...*sighs*

Too bored, wrote short story that makes no sense for you guys, enjoy!

My shoe-less, sock-less foot softly touched the cold steal metal of the trains foot step as I climbed into the beautiful purple train. The train sat out side of the courtyard of my hollow home. The train glistened in the moonlight of our 13 o’ clock hour. Inside was a sight to see, the walls of the corridors that led to the passenger car was lined with red velvet, the small vents that hid out of side from the passengers rushed cold wind from the outside into the corridor.

‘Don’t worry, it isn’t this cold in the passenger car, trust me,’ the man explained to me, ‘We need it this cold, so we can survive in here,’

He held out his scaly hand, showing he wanted my ticket so I could proceed into my respected seat.

I handed him my small gold ticket, my hand grazed his, I could feel how hot he was.

‘Of course,’ I thought, ‘Reptiles need to stay cool’

He handed me back my ticket after he checked it off with his long, pointy finger nails.

‘Last row, third seat to the left’ he told me and pointed to the door to my right. I nodded and thanked him, and continued on.

I could here him whisper to his partner ‘She was a strange looking one, never seen her type around here’.

He probably should have waited till I was fully out the door. I reached my seat at the back of the car, and sat out in the third seat, it was a lovely. I had the window all to myself. Sad it only reminded me of my ugly exterior, I could see my horrid reflection in the window. A sudden jerk stopped my ‘self pity party’ in the midst of it. The train slowly chugged a long, pulling along all of the passenger cars, and the small coal car hooked on the end. I suddenly realized the astonishing fact that I was all alone in this small car. No in front of me, and no one could possibly be behind me for I was in the last row.

‘But, when I bought my ticket, the man said that this was the last one…I wonder where everyone could be…’ I thought to myself as I leaned on my elbow, leaned my head on my hand, and looked out the window. The train quickly chugged past all of the scenery, the trees looked like little blurs in the distance. The only thing I could make out was snow. And lots of it. The small snow drops couldn’t be seen anymore. The train felt like it was going a little too fast to be safe. The train tilted as it headed up a hill, and tilted back down as in head forwards on the tracks. My memories of that day came back to my head, I felt sorry for what happened to you so long ago. How could this be so marry? The train suddenly stopped, creating a loud screeching sound. I quickly stood up, and ran to the door that led into the corridor.

Blocked by the dead bodies of the two reptile men. I ran to the back of the car, and swung open the door, a cold wind swept over me and a stood on the edge of the door. I jumped down onto the tracks and tried to see what was going on. The front of the train had been smashed in by something, and now was on fire. The dark smoke reached high into the sky, Sadness over whelmed me. I’d never reach where I was going now… My two small ears flapped in the wind, a loud silenced hushed over the snow as a boy walked towards me. He looked a lot like me, I blushed and looked up at him, and he looked down at me. He stepped near, and started humming a song. ‘…’ I said nothing. And then I joined in. I knew this song, and only one other person knew it. ‘I thought you were dead,’ I told him.

Yeah, it makes no sense D: This is just an out line for a short story manga i am going to write today ^^

The Poison Preview:

The first few pages of chapter one:

“I’m so excited,” I said with joy to my mother. I was about 11 years old at the time.  My mother was standing next to me as I sat on a table. We were waiting for my brother’s Japanese teacher. We were going to go to china down in Seattle, we had gone there before, but, going to chine town on a field trip made this, some how, more exciting.  Maybe it was because I was going with people I didn’t know, and maybe it was that they were all way older than me. After a while of waiting, HE arrived. Tall, thin, beautiful in every way, his eyes were brown, but, something about them made them seemed like the sun. So bright and clear, also he was wearing punk clothes, a black short sleeved shirt over a black and grey striped one, a simple chain necklace, and baggy black cargo pants. I didn’t know his name at the time, but, I thought he was cute. Everyone told me I had and still do bad taste in men, and maybe I do but, it’s all just an opinion.  Even for my age I started to like boys, I was quite girly when I was younger, I still am, though. The teacher finally arrived, we handed her our permission slips so we could get on to that damn bus! I wasn’t actually even in the class, my brother was. He was 16 at the time.  My mom didn’t want me to stay alone at school for such a long time so, since she was a chaperone so she had permission to take me along too. Oh, this will probably explain a little better about situation, as you can probably tell; I don’t go to a ‘normal’ school. Mine was different. ‘*beep*’ as we called it, ‘*beep*’ stood for ‘*beeeeeeepppppbloopbeepybeepbeep*’. That was the name of my school, a mouth full huh? Well, *beep* was different because, we got to choose our schedules. We can choose what days we go to school, what classes we take, and even what time! I loved my school, it was amazing. I made friends easily, everyone was very friendly. Anyways, back to the story, the teacher arrived, my mom and her chit-chatted, and we boarded the magically ship i called 'the bus', yeah as you can tell, i was rather excited like i stated before. I sat right behind the cute guy I mentioned before. I can’t recall most of the bus ride. I remember talking to my mom and listening to the teacher talk to the girls on the bus about make-up and such. After a long ride, about two hours long we came to our destination, China Town.  The (cute) boy in front of us had fallen asleep, I thought it would be best to wake him up. I poked him a couple of times, lightly pulled his hair.

He woke up and I told him “Umm… We’re here now…” In a shy voice, he stared at me for a few moments, it was rather awkward, I pointed out the window to show him, and to try to make him understand this situation.  His eyes followed my finger to the window. He sat up and stared at me again, then the teacher broke this awkward situation telling everyone that we had arrived and to get off the bus in an ‘orderly fashion’. He turned towards her, showing that he was paying attention. I felt bad, I thought about saying sorry for pulling his hair, but, it was too late.  We all exited off the bus, and stood in front of the large shop, it was decorated with beautiful dragons, red and gold poles with more dragons wrapped around and ran up and down the streets. It was lovely, I did so enjoy coming here. It wasn’t my first time, I’d come here about once a year. She told us to meet back here at 2:00 PM. And so we parted and I lost site of him.  That day continued on, we shopped, ate the greasy, deep fried food they sold there and met back outside of the store. I kept looking around for him in the crowd of students, but, I just couldn’t see him. I never understood my wild obsession with him. I probably should have stopped looking for him, this obsession with seeing him came back to bite me later, but, that will come later in this story. We all entered onto the bus again, my mother and I sat further back in the bus, and, coincidentally, the boy from before sat right next to us.

 I smiled and tried not to make eye contact with him. I was still embarrassed about how rude I was before. But, instead of keep my fat mouth shut, I tried to act cool and ask where he was all day.

“Hey,” I said, in a little-louder-than-I-expected voice. It came out awkwardly, and he didn’t notice me the first time I said it.

And so, I tried again, yet, I waved this time, thinking that is I moved enough he’d notice me.

“Umm, hey?” I said again.

‘Why did I say that in a form of a question?’ I asked myself, ‘I’m such an idiot some times…’

“Oh, hello,” He said in a kind, honest voice.

My heart stopped as his words floated into my head.

“Hi,” I said. ‘Ah, crap! I already said ‘hey’! Now he’ll think I’m weird!’

Then, I was about to pull a cheesy line out of my ass, when my mom saved me.

“So! What did you buy?” She asked in her own motherly way.

“Oh, just these,” He said pulling out a pink Hello-Kitty case and handed it to me.

“How cute,” I said smiling. I had a small obsession with cute pink things at that time.

He took it from me and opened it, revealing cute tiny pair of chopsticks.

“Ooh~ Nice. I love Hello-Kitty” I said smiling at him, brightly.

“Cute, huh?” He asked me.

I nodded.

There was a small pause in our conversation, as it reached its end.

“So, what did you buy?” He asked me.

Seeing how I had only bought a small eraser shaped like an ice cream cone, I told him I had bought nothing special.

My mother on the other hand, had bought a magazine filled with cute Lolita clothes from Japan. My mother took over the conversation, and that was that.

That was my first encounter with the one man who would make me feel like magic.

Later, after we were alone, I asked my mother what was his name.

And she said, “Rill,”

Rill, eh? It’s a sweet name.  The next time I encountered him, I made a fatal mistake.

The next time I encountered him, I learned something that would change my view on life forever.

I saw him off and on, passing by him in the hall ways and such. You know how it is. I stared at him, he’d notice me. I’d blush and turn away.

That was how it was, at that time, I was a super shy girl. I knew nothing of the world outside of mine. It would usually just be me, myself and I. Alone.  My best friend was Izzy. She was a shy girl too. Almost more shy than me. Nothing happened between Rill and me that year. Things started to heat up when the year was almost at its close, and the next year, when I took a hold of life and changed. And what I mean by change, I mean a serious change. I changed everything. At the time, I had been hanging out with the… ‘popular’ group. Well, as popular as it gets in a co-op program where we were half public schooled and half home schooled. Yeah, I went to an odd school to say the least, the people there were even stranger. But, that comes later. Back to what I was saying, I was in the ‘popular’ group at the time, it was a group of about five. Here’s the order of people and there roles.

1) Oryash. She was the rudest girl in the whole school, and she new it. She could swear more than an old sailor, and get away with it too. She could charm any man with her huge boobs and straight black hair. She used this one guy for his money. She squeezed every single drop out of him. I feel sorry for that poor kid…  She plays the role of ‘Head cheerleader’. She actually was a cheerleader.

2) Raychel. She was a sweet, short, girl. She was the second in charge. She new everyone and was our connection to anyone and everyone. She and her boyfriend were nice when you’re alone with them. But, when Oryash came along, she totally change. She was the girl who almost swore as much as the head ringleader.  She was full of a ton of dirty jokes. Mostly involving some one being gay, or a retard, but, mostly just about man parts.  But Raychel was also a traitor to Oryash. Oryash had a butt as big as her boobs, and so, that was the point of everyone’s attention. And so Raychel would make fun of her behind her back. But, by herself, she would stand up for you and was very kind.

3) Raynay. There is a word for a chick like this. *insert anything you want here*. She was the MEANEST, CRUELEST girl in the school. As many people would say it, she thought she was ‘all that’. She bragged how big her small chest was, how tall she was, and how ‘pretty she was’. She HATED me. She was always trying to 'one up' me, and after a while, I started to stop caring. This girl was the (or at least what she thought she was the) super model of the school.

4) Lacey (who ever that was)

I know nothing about this girl, but, everyone in our ‘group’ new about her, and how amazing she was. I have no clue who she is, I’ve never met her. EVER.

5) Me. I am a curvy girl, I was and still am five foot eight inches. I had a unique sense of style (which was what Rayna hated about me). I was the shy girl who completed the group. The girl who would just hang in the corners, and be the sweet one of the group.

     And so, I was kind of a…brat back then, I really wish I could turn back time and fix everything I had ever said and done to anyone and everyone.  I took men who joke around and mess with young girls hearts very seriously.  One boy, his name was Jake. He was a jerk. He thought that it was hilarious whenever he called me ‘hot babe’ and ‘sexy’ and I blushed. It was something I loved, and hated all at the same time, but that’s not the point, I must tell you about what happened next between me and Rill. Me and my best friend Alycia thought it was funny to write fake love letters to guys we ACTUALLY liked, then just say it was a joke. It was an easier way to make an excuse to talk to them then actually becoming there friends.

I beeped out the name of my school, i don't want you stalkers to come lookin' for me D:<

Hey guys, for a while there i stopped posting everyday, and started to procrastinate. =.=; Sorry about that. School's officially over, my allergies are in full swing, and i'm bored as hell. SO, i will be posting more often :3 I have actually gotten back into writing in my stories 'Blue Roses' and 'The Poison'. I will give you guys a little preview later ^^ Thanks for all the comments and views!
~Amelia Loveless

How i feel about the last day of school D:

She was filled with remorse. She looked back at the things she did, and the things she COULD have done.
The things she did were only five things:
1) New hair cut
2) New makeup style
3) Talked to a boy
4) Had a boy have a crush on me
5) get kissed
and the list of things she could have done went on and on.
1) Could have lost weight
2) Could have done more in art class
3) Could have studied harder
4) Could have handled things better
5) Could have been more open
6) Could have done more exciting things
7) Could have looked better
8) Could have smelled better
9)Could have had more friends
10) Could have had a better time
11) Could have hurt less people
12) Could have kept a few more secrets
13) Could have been funnier
14) Could have been more serious about school.
15) Could have helped more people
Etc...
This was her last day of school, and tonight was the last day to practice for her swing dance class.
'I could have done a lot more this year...' she thought.
Every year she promise herself to do better and to go farther, but every year, he plans fail. Like a plane on fire, her plans fell through. Falling down threw the clouds, children screaming on the air plane as it came closer and closer to smashing into the ground and killing everyone of the small children. All of the things that she had done kept her flying in the air, but, still, she dived down through the clouds to her flaming death.   Basically how i feel about this school year >.>; If you saw the post waaayyyy before this, then you would understand all of these things *shrugs*

6/8/11

Do you every just look ahead and feel like your in a desert?

Feel like everything will be the same?

That you will never find love?

That nothing will ever change?

That you will never, ever do anything worth a 'round of applauds'?

That you will never have people cheer you on and tell you how amazing you are without being paid?

Ever felt so lonely that even when your surround with people, you still don't feel...whole?

Today is Wednesday. And i still can't get over what happen yesterday. I'll try to keep my chin up like you've always told me...

Awful day...

Taunted and mocked, she walks away, her heart a little more broken. Her goals unachieved, her soul a little more hollow.

'...i knew it... I KNEW IT!'She told herself.

'I'm a never find...' Her name...

Amelia Loveless.

'That's it,' she said, ' i give up' she told herself.

'Maybe i am weird!

Maybe i am a freak!

Maybe i should just...die?

No no no! I can't do that, i am the hope! When great grandma died, and my uncle committed suicide, i was born! I was the new life! I am hopeful and optimistic, i may get depressed easily, but, i can get over that!

I'm changing for no one!' She told herself

And that's how a simple life was saved.

6/7/11:

Awful awful day today...

Another case of Loveless attacked. Really really depressed at the moment D: Could use some cyber hugs Dx

WOOT! FINALS ARE OVER! MORE POEMS TO WRITE >:D

'Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I'll punch your eyes out because i hate you too.'

Quote from Amelia Loveless~ >:D

I thought of that in the middle of the night o.o;

Ahhh~ My love for demented music grows with 'Marry me' by EA

This arrangement is deranged.

This fixed marriage is suppose to be heaven....More like hell. 

'Marry me' he said through his beard.

'Marry me instead of that strapping young goatherd,' 

Father put me up to this, i wish i could leave... 

After my father sold me, i knew i has to keep to myself.

But, on the bright side, what lovely clothes i will have.

He may be rich, but, poor in pity.

Ugly men >_>

In most fairytales, the prince marries the young pauper girl.

In this story, the young pauper girl murders her ugly prince for he deceitful crimes.

With a cold, rusty knife was taken into her hand.

He hurt her so.

She hurt him so.

Maybe even? I think not so.

This is a tragic story, it will never finish for the last page of this book has been ripped out.

Remember children, library books are not yours to take and ruin for everyone else. People don't cut or take out pages of the books. SERIOUSLY D:<
There, another poem for you guys ^^;; sorry it isn't very long D: Not enough time...