Finding You ((Your Return)) PART TWO XD

I fell to sleep slowly, my mind slipped away.

I woke up in a strange field. 

It was long and trees surrounded it.

There was a still silence around the whole field, nothing moved, no bird, no people. Nothing.

I was all alone.

I never was used to being all alone.

I would usaully have my brothers annoying me.

My mom and dad nagging me to do my homework. 

Just how it always was. But, when i was alone, i liked it.

But, here, it was a little...creepy. 

My ears suddenly heard soft music playing, like a music box. 

I quickly jumped up, and ran into the sea of trees that had been the cage of this field. 

I tried to find it, it got louder, then softer.

It always seem to be behind me.

I'd turn around and looked around.

The sound would get softer, and then louder as i turned around.

This pattern kept repeating, I just couldn't find it.

This, also, started to scare me.

I decide to head back out into the field.

...

Turns out i'm lost.

I want to be needed.

To be important.

But, i don't think that will happen... 

But, i will try to help.

I will try to remember.

And i will try to forget.

I will try to let go.

And i will try to hold on.

I will try.

For you.

I really want you to notice me...

Finding You. ((Your Return))

It was a windy day, which was usual for where i live.

My long trench coat flapped about in the wind.

My hair was pulled back into a ponytail as i quietly walked along, thinking to myself.

Nothing was in any importance to me, i thought it would be just a normal day.

Obviously, something was going to go wrong.

The clock tower chimed, telling me it was time to head back home for dinner.

I turned to enter into the alleyway, it was the fastest way home. The easiest way to sneak back home before anyone noticed i was gone. Usually in the movies, something would happen in the alleyway, but, not in this story. What happened, happened at my house.

Once i got back home and ate dinner with my family, i went back up stairs.

I sat on my bed just thinking. 

I turned and laid down on my bed and closed my eyes.

My mind floated away.

To Be Continued...

Ever had one of those days when everything some one does just annoys you to no end? 

Yeah, i've had quite a few days like that.

But, usaully to stop it, i have to ask myself a few questions.

Why do i feel like this?

Should i be feeling like this?

What are they doing that annoys me?

Usually to all those questions, the answer is unknown. 

I don't know why i'm pissed off, and i don't really have a good reason.

So, even though i've asked these questions, i feel no better.

So i tell myself, 'It's their happiness that matters, not mine. And if they are happy, i will be too'

And that usaully helps.

I used this at Disney land when everyone kept pissing me off.

It honestly DID help.

I'm odd....

I'm oblivious and yet, super observant.

I won't realize something happened until it's over.

But, i will learn so many things just by watching some one talk.

I forgive, but, never forget.

I will forgive you for everything, but, never forget what hurtful things you've said.

I cry but, never show it.

I smile and always show it.

I'll smile and laugh because you do the same.

I wonder why i am the way i am?

I guess no one will ever know.

California.

I just got back from California.
And i'm feeling loved.
My best friend ((Space-Out-Autumn)) Called me asking if everything was alright.
My best friend Rose-chan ((Who is in zupcakes with me)) asked me where i was ^^
I love my friends ^^

This is why i love kittens.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

I'll try to hold on.

I'll try to hold myself together. 

I'll try.

...for you...

Dirty mirror

Dirty mirror.

The key to my soul.

Because it lies.

It hides everything i do not want to see.

Oh, dirty mirrors surround the small girl.

Her dress is ripped and torn.

Stained with the blood of her sins.

How will she ever live after what happened?

When i saw him i think a part of me died inside.

Who is the writer?

Who is the story?

Who will survive, and who will die?

Dirty Mirrors will tell the truth.

The truth she hides.

The liquid glass, she reaches her hand through.

'it will be safe here' she tells herself as she leaves the room.

What did she leave there,in the dirty mirror?

Her heart?

Her pieces?

Her truth?

Her memories?

We will never know.

Darkness of the stairs...

I saw him. 

My heart stopped.

Like when your walking up the stairs in the dark, you think there is one more step then there is, and your foot sinks through the darkness, and your heart stops and feels like it's sinking into your chest.

Once your foot lands down, your heart rate speeds up, and you sigh, realizing nothing was going to happen. But, the memories of your foot falling echoed in your head.

That's how it was.

We made eye contact.

My brain died in my head.

Nothing went through it.

Not a single thought.

Then, everything went through my head.

Every single memory. 

I closed my eyes for a split second, then, walked right past him.

I started to feel sick after wards.

I felt like i needed to say something.

i WANTED to say something.

But, i said nothing.

I did nothing. 

I hid my face from the world once again.

I saw him again later that day.

I felt the same way. 

Like i was walking up stairs, the stairs of darkness the light.

And a few steps are missing.

I expected to see him.

I just didn't know i'd feel this way.

I want to know why i feel this way too.

The darkness of these stairs over powers the light.

Yet, i still know it's there.

I know the light is there, at the end maybe, but, still there.

I wonder what will happen next?

What will he do?

And what will i do?

i saw him...
Why am i so scared now? My heart won't stop pounding.
I'll give you guys more information later.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNwD9oZUa8U

What beautiful song... n.n

lol, i = fail.

Ha ha, lol. I was just humble. Crap, that usaully is my job xD LOL
I'm happy i guess, it's good to be told. At first i was like 'well, ain't this embarrassing!' and then i was like, 'eh, he's/she's right. And i have no clue why i wrote that anyways'
But, i posted on my favorite blogger's blog. o.e So very embarrassing, i wanted to say something mysterious, and cool, that would make him think about it. and then, this other person said i was wrong, and pulled out a few amazing points. ^^;; Gaw, being humbled and excepting you were wrong can be quite hard. But, hey, getting used to it will come in handy when i'm in a job!
Lol, i = fail
Slowly but, surely, i will become a better person.
I will heal once again.
And i will find everything i have dropped along this path.

This is going to be short post, but, i got these amazing platform boots from value village for 5.99$

Turns out they are Fluevogs.

Which normally cost about 200$

Ah~ life is looking up ^^

Need...

I helped a child in need yesterday, which made me feel great.

He came up to me and asked 'Have you seen my mum?'

I told him,'I'm sorry hunny, i don't know, what does she look like?'

'She has brown hair and is holding a kitty'

'No, i haven't, but, let's find her together!'

So he held my hand and we walked around and found his mom ^^

But, then his mom started yelling at him for leaving her, and i never got a thank you, but, it felt nice just to help him... ^^

Labels.

Labels.

I hate them.

Just like how i hate men.

All jerks, well, with a FEW exceptions.

Dream

This is an interesting dream to tell, kinda creepy, but, really odd. I have dreamed this dream quite a few times, it keeps repeating in my head for some reason. And, also, this is a stupid thing to say, but, i sometimes have prophetic dreams. I can sometimes predict the future with them. Anyways, onto my dream.

I'd be all black and white, no colour to my body. I'd be standing in a completely white room. So white, that there were no shadows and it seemed to be glowing. Everything seem so quiet. Then, a black ball would appear, it would make a static sound, like the TV. It was about twice my size, and it would shift a little. Then a big flash of light would blind me, and suddenly,i would be in a huge room. Also all black and white. The ball was still there, make a horrible noise like...chopping, i guess. Everything seemed really loud in this new room. Every foot step i made seemed so loud it hurt my head.My thoughts seemed like someone was screaming in my ear. I wanted everything to just shut up because it was so very very loud. And then everything would stop. And the black ball would turn into a big yarn ball. I wouldn't be able to move, because i'd turn into a doll. And then, i'd wake up.That is my weird dream. Odd huh? If you think you know what it means, i'dlove to hear from you in the comments ^^

Band...

Hey hey~

Amelia again ^^;

Just wanted to let you guys know, I'M STARTING A BAND WITH MY BEST FRIEND >:3

Excited?

YOU SHOULD BE xD

I'm excited to get practicing!

I'll put links up when i get more crap uploaded :D

We'll probably start a youtube account, and continue on from there.

^^ We are called the 'Zupcakes' Which stands for 'zombie-cupcakes' ^u^

Hai hai~ ^^

Hey guys, you haven't heard about my life much, huh?

Well, nothing really interesting is going on, so, i'll tell you an old, old story.

This happened a long time ago at Target, i forgot about it for a while, but, it has come to my attention again.

Alright so here we go.

I was walking through the toy section of Target, wearing my kitty hat and my tutu.

I got odd stares, but, i didn't care really.

An old lady, about in her fifties or her sixties, she look like one of those cat ladies who don't dress very nicely. 

But, anyways, she came up to me and told me how beautiful i was.

How special i was, for dressing so uniquely.

She told me to stay me, no matter what happened.

And that being me, unique little old me, was going to get me far and that is was the best.

I smiled and told her 'Thank you'.

She smiled back and said 'Your welcome' and left.

She turned around the corner, and disappear. Literally.

I turned around that same corner, and she was gone.

I was happy, very, very happy. For a while i had been struggling with my friends, and how they said i was weird for how i dressed.

They were skinny, big boobed, evil girls. I honestly i have no clue why i hung out with them... 

I'm not saying all girls who are skinny and big boobed are evil, just those ones were.

And i thought about it, she must have been an angel.

Because, for one thing, she wasn't beautiful.

She wasn't pretty. 

It takes some one nonjudgmental to listen to a stranger, who isn't like, a millionaire.

Like in 'beauty and the beast'.

The prince wouldn't listen to the fairy because she looked like an old hag.

So, i was blessed, and when ever i have a hard time with my insecurities, i just have to remember what happened at Target.   

If our spirits are like feathers which float along, day dreaming, and our bodies like rocks which stay put and remind us of our reality, then what holds us together?

Our memories? 

Or, maybe something else...

Like Love?

Or, Maybe even hate...

Put your hand in mine...

Oh, how our hands fit together.

Oh, how our lips touched, and sparks flew.

Oh, how our first date went.

Oh, how i remember our break up.

Oh, how harsh your words were.

Oh, how i wish i could have stopped you.

Now i am dying alone.

Now i am turning to someone else.

Now i am happy.

Maybe it was alright.

Maybe our hands DIDN'T fit.

Maybe those sparks weren't sparks.

If not, then what was all of that?

Was it even real?

Is this all a dream?

I hope so.

Because the pain is still so real.

Because you don't feel real.

Because i don't want you back.

Because i found everything.

Because i have made everything right again.

Because i am healing.

Because i am fine without you.

And now your back?

And now your asking to come back into my life?

And now you say your sorry.

And now, i will not forgive you.

And now i will walk away from the pain.

And now i will heal.

And now, i will be the same.

I will forget.

And you should too.

Don't remember me....

This was all a dream.

Nothing is as real as it seems.

Because we are no one.

Because we are nothing.

Because i am something.

Because you are something.

But, we are nothing.

Forgetting is the best.

Goodbye.

We shall never meet again.

....Stop your lonely dreaming....

Oh, Gawd. Every word you speak, makes my heart beat loudly.

I'm slowly losing control, i may lose everything i have worked so hard on.

But, that may not matter anymore... I say i'm in control, but, i'm falling hard.

So very very hard...

My toes curled over the side of the cliff.

I stared down at your icy waves.

Memories running through my head...

I felt the wind pushing me towards the edge, but, my body held strong.

For a along time it was like this, me, barely holding on.

Until, someone finally pushed me into your waves.

And now, i am forever lost.

Maybe, this is alright?

Stupid song i'm writing >__>

'STAB THIS HEART, MAKE IT BLEED.

KILL THIS POETRY THAT I READ.

STAB THIS HEART, MAKE IT BLEED.

KILL THE BEAT MAKE IT RECEDE.  

stab this heart....make it bleed...

Promise me that you won't let me fall.

Hold me, hug me, i'm all on my own.

I know my mistakes.

You know me.

I know you.

I have been mocked.

This heart has been stolen.

Madness stole it.

Mister Madness broke this heart.

A kind man gave me his...

And, i accidentally broke it.

I'm so sorry~~

CHORUS:

I'm sorry, He stole it.

I took yours.

Now everything is missing.

I'm sorry, he made me.

I'm sorry i let him in.

Why did i open the door?

Why did i let him in?

How could i do such a crimmmmmmmmmmme~

STAB THIS HEART.... PLEEEAASSSEEE~!

You look into these eyes.

can you see me soul?

Can you see what i'm hiding from you?

Can you remember what you did?

Stop blaming things on me. 

This is who i am, forever changing.

I live i foreverland, screw neverland.

See meeee for whooo i ammmm~

STAB THIS HEART, MAKE IT BLEEEED~</3

Why can't you seeee?

You gave me your heart....

To replace the one Mister Madness stolllleeee

I said thank you.

You told me everything was finnnneeee....

But, then, by a simple action, i broke it...

i'm so very sorryyy~


 CHORUS:

I'm sorry, He stole it.

I took yours.

Now everything is missing.

I'm sorry, he made me.

I'm sorry i let him in.

Why did i open the door?

Why did i let him in?

How could i do such a crimmmmmmmmmmme~

STAB THIS HEART.... PLEEEAASSSEEE~!

STAB THIS HEART, MAKE IT BLEED.

KILL THIS POETRY THAT I READ.

STAB THIS HEART, MAKE IT BLEED.

KILL THE BEAT MAKE IT RECEDE. 

stab this heart....make it bleed...'

-Amelia.

 ((Not done ^^))

Princess

This morning i got up and put my crown on.

I did my makeup in a dark and yet, light and colorful way.

I am a girl.

And this girl is from God.

I was made to shine.

So this girl isn't just a girl.

She is a princess.

You are the princes and princesses of God.

We are His children.

And you can truly be thankful for that.

Dearest

Oh, dearest of friends.

I want to thank you.

Thank you for supporting me...

Thank you for understanding.

Dearest Friends...

What can i do to show you how you make me feel?

Some days, i'm lonely.

Some, I'm scared.

Others, i'm happy.

But, when you are with me, everything washes away.

So the only thing that's left is those happy days.

 We sing in the car.

 I chase you with your dog's poop.

 You and me talk about tutus, being loud and proud

 We joke about my stalkers, and buy unicorn products from hot topic.

Dearest friends, Thank you.

Please... Stay with me a little longer...

Be with me forever.

Hug me.

Hold me.

Let me cry when my heart has taken a beating.

We shall be together forever.

I'll be your feet if you promise to be my shield.

I love you.

This heart has been stolen, replaced, scratched, and broken.

But, yet, everything you say makes me smile.

If there is a cloud in the way of the sun, you push it away.

To my dearests. 

Thanks for everything.

I was born to tell you 'i love you'

I Cried.

Last night i was with my friend Ashley and her little sister Lauren, also James, this little boy i babysit.

I wore my lip piercings, and they both flipped out. I just laughed.

Ashley took a picture and texted her friend. Her friend replied 'AAAAAHHHHHHH! She's scary!'

I actually get that a lot, so, i didn't really care.

We have this inside joke, One time Lauren put her foot on my head and i said 'Wanna die?!' So, we say it and laugh.

So, Ashley told me to text her back with Ashley's phone. (By the way, i've never met this person)

So i did and i said 'thanks, i try. Wanna die hunny?;3 Call me to hear my voice!' 

So she called, which i wasn't expecting.

I talked to her, i really didn't know what to say.

Ashley dropped her food and i said 'ASHLEY! Don't make a mess!'

After a while of picking up dropped food, and other things, Ashley put her on speaker phone.

And she didn't know.

Can you guys guess where this is going?

She said 'Ashley, she's such a freak! Why do hang out with her?! She was like 'Ashley yer making a mess!' and she looks weird!' she mocked my voice, too.

I was hurt but, i didn't let it show.

I took the phone back and said 'I'm being who i am, and i like dressing this way!'

She replied, 'Well, YOU'RE not going to go far in life' in a snarky voice.

My dream is to become famous and to help people.

She was being so judgmental.

So.... i burst.

'WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? IT ISN'T NICE TO INSULT PEOPLE WHO LIKE WHO THEY ARE AND THE WAY THEY EXPRESS THEMSELVES . STOP BEING SUCH A JUDGMENTAL JERK!'

I hung up the phone and glared at Ashley, then i turned and whispered under my breath 'Beach' Which is a word play for the female 'b' word. Lauren saw it and got mad, i told her how i felt and she said i was stupid.

If you were called a freak wouldn't you get mad?

I felt like crying, but, since i couldn't, i dealt with it the wrong way.

Later than night once everyone left, i told my parents, and i have never cried harder.

I have been called 'weird' and 'scary', also 'stupid' and a 'wench', but, never a freak.

Freak hurts.

This 'freak' is crying because of what you said.

Thank you, dear judgmental person, You are the kind of people who make me stronger.

So, you know what? I'm going to dress more crazy.

I am going to where odd looking make up. 

I'll go emo if i want to.

So, thank you.

You made me a little stronger.

I'll prove you wrong, once again.

You'll see me once again, and i will be someone you never expected.

Mister Madness

There is a man.

His name is Madness.

He takes peoples souls.

He eats them, and uses them.

He is Madness.

He is in all of us.

But, he hides, and we will never know what he strikes.

Goodbyes may not last forever, but, memories of a heart break do.

You are no good for me.

Without knowing it yourself, you captured me once again.

This Blue Bird Is In The Cage Again.

Don't remember me...

Falling down into your waves

I told you i was leaving.

You told me not to say goodbye.

I was happy you still wanted to talk to me.

Each one of your words made me smile.

You are so very gentle. 

I love that.

But, i fell for you once.

And it broke me.

If i continue like this i may end up falling once again.

So, i will hold onto this cliff.

As your waves fit my feet.

If i let go i will fall and drown again.

But, if i hold on to tightly, everything will break.

So, what should i do?

If i fall i will drown.

If i break it, i will hit the ground.

There is no way out of this.

And that truly hurts.

And my worst nightmare is coming back.

He holds my fears.

And he may use them against me too.

I'm so scared.

So i will sit in this dark corner.

I will write how i feel.

I will draw my death.

I will smile again when this is over.

Maybe this is what i get for trying to be kind.

So, please, oh please, don't let me drown.

Don't let me fall.

Please...

Nothing will be alright...

I take requests!

I'll answer questions, and take request for poems and/or drawings.
So, comment below about...anything?
Oh, and i would like suggestions about my poems, stories, or really whatever i should talk about.
Thanks ^^




~Amelia (Happy Emo Bunny no. 1)

Shyness

I have been talking to my old crush, i don't really count him as crush anymore though.

I'm gonna move on ^^

But, he is way older than me and has a job so, when i see he's online, i'm scared to say hi.

I don't want to bug him or annoy him. i don't want him to get pissed xO

I really enjoyed talking to him, but, anyways, i'm totally scared of talking to him. xD

One odd thing about me is that quiet people scare me. A LOT.

They just stand there and stare at you.

You can't tell what's going through their heads either, and that scares me the most.

Also the people who just start laughing when you look at them, inside i'm like 'what are they laughing at!?'

I don't like not knowing what people are thinking, that just scares me.

Well, you guys have learned a little more about me ^^

Happiness.

I said something to my crush, the one from 'to a certain someone...'

Yeah, well, i sent him an email with that in it, and this is what he said

'

Well good afternoon :3

That email sounded a lot like goodbye, but I don't like goodbyes, so how about we just keep chatting :D

Btw I just added you on fb, I didn't realize who was sending that request so I was a smudge leery

How is your day going?'

Oh, my, gawd, my heart skipped a beat ^u^

Amelia's Lonely Dreams: DRAFT

Hey guys, you guys probably know this but, i love drawing, and i was thinking about having a section of my blog where a post all my pictures, and it would be called 'Amelia's Lonely Dreams'.

What do you think?

You guys want to see my pictures? =D

LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME

EAT MY HEART

Love my heart...please?

The voices never screamed louder...

I've never bled faster than tonight...

I've never wanted to hide my face more than today...

It's just one of those days.

Tests

I take quizzes all the time.

Not like math quizzes, personality quizzes.

But, my questions is... why?

Why do i take test about my own personality?

I think it's because i want to know more about me.

And who i am...

But, the question is why do i think i need to take tests to see who i am.

I should know who i am, because i AM who i am...

I think some where along the road, i lost who i am.

I forgot who i was.

I was lost in the lies i was fed.

But, those lies tasted so good...

Now i'm looking for the truth again.

A lot like finding a needle in a haystack.

Mornings.

My ears rung with the sound of a loud frog.

It was my frog alarm clock.

I rolled over and hit it with my hand.

it fell off my desk and onto the floor, still yelling at me to wake up.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, then bent over to pick it up.

I flipped the switch and it stopped.

I got up and went into the bathroom to brush my hair.

The floor is always so cold in the morning.

Then, went down stairs and grabbed breakfast.

That was basically my morning other than getting dressed and putting on make up.
My life is BORING!

Stab this heart, make it bleed.

Kill this poetry that i read.

Taunting voices come from above.

As i read about love.

I wish i come have this.

I wish i knew this.

Never felt the kiss of a man's lips.

No man has held my hips.

I really want it.

But, i'll never have it.

For i am like a ghost.

Everyone uses me as a host.

No love.

Just the voices from above.

The Sadness

Dear Ghost Girl.

‘Why so sad?’

‘Why so depressed?’

‘Why so Angry?’

‘Who did this to you?’

‘Who hurt you?’

‘Where will you go, Small ghost girl?’

‘Where is the sadness in your heart?’

‘You know you can’t escape.’

‘You know this won’t work.’

‘You know what he said was a lie.’

‘You know you should just leave.’

‘You know it’s true.’

‘Why do you stay then?’

‘Why do you keep forgiving?’

‘Small ghost girl, will you ever be free?’

‘Small ghost girl, why did you let him under your skin?’

‘Small ghost girl, where did he take your heart?’

‘Small ghost girl, why, oh, why did you leave?’

Silence, soft, and slow, she walked away.

Her hair flowed in the wind as I asked my questions.

‘I wish I could help you, Small ghost girl’

‘I wish I could stop the sadness’

‘I hope one day we meet again’

‘I hope I’ll be able to help you, Small ghost girl’

She walked into the darkness, the sadness covering her.

Before she disappeared she turned around and flashed a smile and lipped,

‘We’ll meet again…’

I cried.

Dear Ghost Girl, I’m sorry. I’ll wait.

Too Much ((Update))

Hey guys, if you saw the 'Too Much' blog, you'll know what this one is about.

For a while he stopped coming to school. But, i got news that he's coming back.

I don't know how to act, happy, sad, mad? 

I'll just be myself, and act normal. Maybe everything will go smoothly.

Snow

I took a long stick and wrote in the snow, the one question that had been repeating in my head.

the one question whose answer always evaded me...

the question is 'why?'

W. H. Y.  

'Why' may be a short word, but, a long question with many answers.

A question of wanting to learn. 

Wanting to understand. 

i want to know why. 

i want to find MY answer to the questions of the world. 

Why is there so much judgment in the world? 

why so much hate? 

i don't understand... neither do you. 

i walk back down the drive way, thinking about what i could do. 

I found no answer

Wave.

Dreams are so lonely...

They shattered like glass...

The end, just like life.

But, then how come Life isn't lonely?

Who is it that we have to keep us from dying with the loneliness? 

Who is it?

Better question, who are we?

What are we?

Where are we going?

If life ends like in my dreams, then why try?

But, i want to try.

I want to see...

What's coming my way.

But, once i see it, it may be too late to get away...

Once the way of nothingness washes over me, there won't be a way out.